Wretched Deliverance
by Mistiel
Summary: Alternate ending to The Darkest Night. Very dark. Please read the end note before reviewing.


I don't really have much to say aside that this is a alt ending to The Darkest Night. It's pretty much the same up till Joan gets to the cemetery. Then things take a different turn. Please read the note at the bottom before reviewing. And believe it or not, the title does fit. I looked up the words and liked the meanings and how they sounded together. 

**Wretched Deliverance**

Joan stalked out of her house and into the dark night. She didn't want to be there right now. Tears stained her face as she walked down the street with her arms wrapped around herself. Everything had gone down hill the minute she got to school. She knew she should of called in sick this morning. She felt like a failure, more today than ever. She had some how made Grace angry at her, more so than usual, which for some reason she can't comprehend made Luke mad at her as well. She couldn't recall anything she'd done or said to piss Grace off. Of course there was always the off chance it was something didn't say or do. That being said brought about the other moment that made today horrible. After school she had gone over to Adam's, hoping to talk to him before going home. He always put her in a better mood. He didn't even have to speak, just being there was more than enough comfort. 

She had walked up to the shed and noticed the door was half open. She was about to knock when she heard some one giggling. She didn't think Adam giggled, so that meant Iris must've been there. She peeked in and found them sitting at his workbench, both smiling, laughing and working on his art. And it wasn't just any art. It was for her. Joan swore she felt her heart shatter. As far as she knew, aside from school, he didn't make anything for anyone aside from herself and his mother. She feared to think he had finally moved on. She wanted to be happy for him, but she also thought there would always be a second chance for her. Now she knew. She quietly crept away from the shed, tears in her eyes as she trudged home. 

She wasn't sure what startled her more, Adam and Iris or being witness to her parents fighting. She loved her parents, as much as they annoyed her sometimes. But this ... this was bad. She stood there in front room watching them. They hadn't noticed her yet, so she just continued to watch, tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. She didn't know what she was more tired of, the yelling, name calling or the slamming of the doors. Her mind had reeled with a million possibilities of what might happen next. She felt trapped. Like she was cornered in front of a huge beast as she waited for it to devour her. 

She felt like she failed somehow. That she failed Adam, Grace, her family. More importantly herself. It seemed like all she did was make mistakes, say something wrong or make someone mad. She sniffled lightly as she walked aimlessly about Arcadia. Joan stumbled a little, the ground wet from the rain that had started to fall. Her hair was messed and dripping, but she didn't care. She looked down and seen something glistening in the street light. She bent down, picked it up and looked at before walking off. When she looked up again, she seen had come upon a partially opened iron gate. She had somehow made her way to the cemetery. Slowly she walked in and made her way through the various graves to one in particular. 

Joan liked the cemetery. She didn't think it was creepy or haunted in any way. If anything she thought of it as a sanctuary. It was always peaceful and quiet there. She stood in front of the grave of Mrs. Rove before walking over to a nearby tree. She dropped down to the ground indian style and leaned back against the tree. The rain dripped down her face, washing away her sadness and hurt. It felt .. cleansing in a way. She breathed in the clean air and slowly exhaled. She leaned forward a little, her arms on her legs as she looked at the object she picked up. 

It was a small thin and dull blade. Probably from some discarded razor or toolbox. For a moment, she wondered if all this was worth throwing away. She had gone through so much, did and said so many wrong things and all it did was hurt her or the people she cared about the most. The one thing though, that she couldn't stand, was the thought of losing Adam. They had grown somewhat apart since he started going out with Iris. She feared, knew, that nothing would be the same. Her parents were fighting, something she rarely saw them do, her friend and brother were equally mad at her and for a reason she didn't even know. Nothing was going right. She wanted it all to just end. 

Joan didn't know when she did it, probably during the internal mulling over of her thoughts, that she had cut herself. She looked down and gasped at the blood seeping from the wounds. At first she didn't think it had cut that deep, but it kept bleeding, despite how much pressure she put on them. She tried to get up but stumbled when she became light headed. She fell to her knees, the wet grass flattening beneath. The sting of the wound resonated through her arm. She looked down at it and started to cry, it was now bleeding more profusely due to the pressure she was putting on it by kneeling on the grass. Finally, giving up, she crumbled to the ground holding her wounded arm against her chest as she cried and felt herself slowly lose consciousness. The last thing she remembered ... was feeling scared. 

He watched her with sad eyes and a heavy heart. He hated to see his children hurt so much. But he knew he couldn't stop her, because this was a choice she had made and he couldn't interfere with that. Of course that didn't mean he couldn't help them, guide them, every once in awhile. Once Joan had passed out, he walked over to her and picked her up, holding her close as he made his way to the Arcadia Hospital. She had so much to do and see, he couldn't let her go like this. Not yet. 

Meanwhile, at the Arcadia Hospital, two teenagers were just exiting the waiting room. One brandishing a small white bandage around his hand, and the other clinging obsessively to his arm. 

"I told you it wasn't that bad, yo." 

"I know, but it could of gotten infected or something. I was just looking out for you A." 

"I know Iris, thanks." 

Iris beamed proudly as she hugged onto his arm as they made their way towards the front door. Iris detached herself from him and said she'd be right back. Adam waited patiently for her when movement near the door caught his eye. He turned around and watched as a young man wearing a tan jacked walked in carrying a limp young girl, who to him, looked just like Joan. 

He watched as a nurse and doctor ran up to them, then sending one back for a stretcher. The young man placed the girl down when they came back. He felt his stomach drop when the young man brushed back the girls hair, revealing her to be whom he thought it was. 

"Jane .." He whispered, then slowly made his way over to the young man. He reached him just as the stretched was pushed away from them. The young man turned and smiled sympathetically at Adam. 

"Is ... was that Joan?" He asked quietly. 

The young man merely nodded. "She'll be okay right?" The boy turned his head towards where Joan was taken off and then turned back, "I hope so." 

Adam stood there, stunned, before speaking again. "What happened?" He was scared to think he might have had fault in this, but he had to know. 

"She tried to end her life tonight." 

Adam's head jerked up as he stared at the young man in shock. "You ... you mean she .." He nodded. "But .. but why!?" 

"She feels lost and alone. She thought everything would be better if she wasn't here anymore. She thought everyone would be happier if she was gone." He said quietly, then looking over at Adam, "She needs a reason to stay, and right now ... she doesn't think she has one." 

Soon after Adam went to the young man, Iris had walked back to where she left him. She looked around and finally noticed him at the front doors talking to a middle-aged woman, whom she assumed was a nurse. The conversation held the air of importance so she decided to just let them talk. 

Adam looked back and noticed Iris now standing in the spot she had left him. He turned back to the young man and excused himself, the boy merely nodded. Adam quickly jogged back to Iris and stopped a few feet away from her. 

"Iris, I have to go. Jane was just brought in." He said hurriedly. 

"Oh .. wow. Is she okay?" 

"I ... I don't know. She tried to kill herself Iris." 

"Oh .. oh my god A ..." 

"I have to go .. I'm sorry Iris, but I have to be with Jane." 

Iris felt the tears form in her eyes, but she nodded anyways. "I understand. It's cool. I hope ... She's going to be okay Adam. She has you." And with that, Iris walked past Adam, but not before he caught her hand. 

"I'm sorry Iris, I-" 

"Shh, it's okay. I always knew you two belonged together, I just didn't want to see it. But she needs you now. We'll always be friends A, I don't want to lose that part of us." Then she gently pulled her hand from his grasp and walked out. 

Adam stood there a moment longer before racing off to find Joan's room, where he hoped she still was. He knew he should have called her family, but he needed to be there. He needed to know that she was okay and that she would survive, because now he needed to her to. 

Joan looked around from where she now sat, under a very large lush green tree. The day was bright and sunny, the air was warm as it brushed past her, gently rustling through her hair. She looked over as he sat down next to her, in the same form she had seen so many times before and had become rather accustomed too, except now he was without his usual tan jacket. Quietly he sat down next to her and they remained in silence until Joan was ready to talk. 

"Am I in heaven?" 

"No, but you came very close to it." 

She looked down at her hands and her arms, noticing they were the same as they had been the day before, mark less. She looked over at him, squinting a little, but she didn't know if it was because of him or the brightness of the sun. 

"Why did you save me?" 

"It comes with the job." 

She laughed a little but asked again, serious this time. "Because it's not your time Joan. It won't be for quite a long time. You still have alot to do. For me and for yourself. More importantly, your family and friends need you. I know sometimes it feels like they don't." He said looking over at her, "But they do Joan, they need you so much, as much as you need them." 

She looked down as she felt the tears form, quickly brushing them away, "But they ... that's why I did this. I thought they would be better off .." 

"I know, and I'm sorry I couldn't stop you then, but it was your choice. And I couldn't deny you that, but I did save you. They need you Joan, don't ever forget that." 

"Thank you.." She says quietly. He smiles at her as he gets up from the ground. "You don't need to thank me." 

"But I wanted to." 

He stood in front of her and held out his hand. "It's time to go back." Joan looks up, hesitant about accepting. "There's someone special waiting for you Joan." He said with a small smile. 

Joan looks at his hand and wonders if it's Adam. "It is." He said, confirming her thoughts. She smiled as she reached up and grasped his hand. White light filled her vision, she could feel herself try to block the beautiful light. When the light subsided she found she was now in a hospital room. The room was barely lit, as it was still night time. She looked over at the feel of something in her hand. 

A smile crept to her lips when she seen it was Adam. His head was laid against the edge of her bed as his hand was holding on to hers. She wondered how long he'd been there. Slowly she took her hand from his, reached up and nestled it gently into his hair, playing with the soft strands. She smiled and whispered a thank you to God for giving her such a wonderful gift. 

Adam stirred slightly at the feel of warm hands. He blinked a few times and looked up, surprised to see Joan smiling back at him. 

"Jane .." He said quietly, hoping he wasn't dreaming. 

"I'm so sorry Adam." She says as she starts to cry. He shakes his head "Don't be sorry Jane, I'm just glad that you're okay. I'm just glad that you're here .. with me" He smiles and then reaches up and gently brushes the tears away. 

She watches as he takes her hand in his and lifts it to his lips, kissing the back of her hand. "I never want to lose you again Jane." 

"Me neither." 

~ _Fin_   
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First of all, before you flame me, know that I do not condone this act of stupidity and self violence to oneself. I decided to write the alt ending of this because there are times when we all feel this way. So if you take with you any lesson, let it be that we are not as alone as we think we are. There is always someone to help us. Whether it be a friend, family, teacher, etc.. There is always, always another way to deal with your problems. I've known too many people whom that I have lost because of this. So please think before you flame. 


End file.
